A Very Nice Full Moon

Man sitting in the lobby of the Willard Hotel, where I received a massage yesterday.


Most of the time I am not a fan of the full moon, but this time around, my crazy Auntie Luna was gentle and beneficent, or at least this is how I experienced the moon this time.

I had the day off work yesterday, so I took a very long walk, received a very long massage in the spa at the historic Willard Hotel downtown, made a simple dinner for myself and went to bed early. Ahhh!!

A client and friend who has been terribly sick with the effects of Lyme disease is in Germany receiving state of the art treatment. I heard from her yesterday that she's having a wonderful time. I've been so worried about her! This is good full moon news. Likewise another friend and client is in Europe right now, touring with a very rare and expensive coin. She was nervous about the journey because of the value of the coin and the ridiculous pace of the trip, but she is really enjoying it. She's getting great press coverage, also having a wonderful time. Good full moon news!

Today will also be pretty easy. I'll see clients this morning, then take a trip to Whole Foods, another one of my very favorite activities. Tonight I'll cook and entertain. All is well.

The birth last week kind of knocked the wind out of my sails, but thanks to the Sufi acupuncturist and my wonderful massage yesterday, and thanks to this sweet full moon, I'm back into my usual good humor, full of energy and ready to welcome my clients this weekend. Life is good and I am grateful!

How was your full moon?

Singularly Cool!

Whether you think you want to or not, you are now in the process of merging with technology. You, me and pretty much everyone else in the "developed" world, should say.

The physical impact of spending so many many hours staring at screens (small and large) as opposed to interacting with the "real" world has not yet been fully assessed. Physically we are heavier and weaker than ever in our species' history. Psychologically and spiritually, too, we are experiencing rapid change but it's still too early to say how this will change us.

Those who romantically yearn for a time before we were merging with technology will have to look further back in time than perhaps they would like. The truth is, we have been headed in this direction for a long time. I think it began when we learned how to build. We took up the hammer or blade, looked around, and made use of the landscape. Coming indoors all those aeons ago as we taught ourselves to build tipis, yurts, huts, sheds and barns brought us into a more or less controlled environment, cone shaped, round or cubical. When we began living indoors, it changed not only the things we thought about, but the way we thought. Our neural networks shifted to accommodate more hours of safety and comfort. Once we were safe, we spent more time wondering than ever before, about the world and our place within it. I believe it is when we began to live indoors that we fell so in love with the idea of a rational, sensible world.

When we're indoors, the edges of our environment are just a few feet away. Even in the largest palaces we can see the horizons of our landscapes. That makes us feel bigger, more powerful. When we came indoors, we stopped thinking of ourselves as a part of the natural environment. At that point we began to believe we were somehow above or beyond "nature." That stage of development wasn't exactly great for our species or what we call "nature."

John Perry Barlow, pre-smartphones, defined cyberspace as like “the place you go when you're on the phone." I've been thinking about that a lot, about how we have created a brand new kind of shelter, the interior tipi of cyberspace. The way we think now about connections, friendships, and relationships is in a state of revolution. These days we gather in huge collectives with those we know and those we've never met - inside our minds. The rooms of cyberspace are huge, big enough to accommodate literally millions all at once. Billions? It's a lot! This is a huge shift. I wonder every day what this is doing to our neural networks. Don't you?

I feel very lucky to partake of this evolutionary jump with all of y'all here in the timeless wormhole of space we have co-created. Cheers!

Don't worry, be happy

Age 59 is interesting. To my mind it is far more interesting than age 58 which, by the way, I loved. Attending age 59 is an uneasy sense or urgency that allegedly we are supposed to feel every day of our lives, to live fully now.

What is living fully? I could argue that I always have done so, depending on how you define "full." Last night a friend wanted to hear some stories. Once I started it seemed as if I couldn't stop telling story after story from my early adult lifetime: the breakup of my parents while I was still in high school, the deaths of my parents, the heinously ill-conceived affair with the painting professor, the subsequent death of his angry wife, oh my god ... the unfortunate timing of the night my boss raped me. Nervous breakdown, life for awhile in a volkswagon bus, enslavement to the drugs that gave me temporary relief, and many many many instances in which I made the worst possible decisions. Bloody hell it goes on and on.

I had to laugh on the way home. No wonder I love getting older! Youth was a bitch. I do not look back fondly on most of that time. It was full, though, oh definitely. My thirties were much better than my twenties even though I was in a horrible marriage, at least I was in San Francisco, zipping around on my scooter. My forties were far finer than my thirties as I got the hell out of that marriage, learned officially the art of shamanism, became more assertive and mindful. Yeah.

Fast forward - thank GOD - to age 59. I live in a beautiful house on a beautiful street in a beautiful city surrounded by friends, neighbors, clients. The sun is shining brightly this morning; temps later today will reach the mid-60s. I'll throw myself on the mercy of the Sufi acupuncturist this morning, work a little bit this afternoon, cook a nice, nutritious meal for myself this evening. All this fits a whole hell of a lot better than any situation in which I found myself during the decade of my 20s. Good lord.

So what am I worried about? Every decade in my very fortunate and very full life, I've found ways to become more comfortable with who I am, what I am and am not capable of. Maybe I don't have to stress out about the things that don't really fit because these days, they fall away. Once upon a time I would have kept tilting at all the things that didn't fit, but no more.

As of this second, I am going to practice not feeling so urgent about this last year of my fifties. Perspective is everything. Shalom.

Stop this bus, I need to get off!

DISCLAIMER: I know I always blame my non-existent pre-natal kidney jing for being such a wimp (thank you, Sufi acupuncturist, for giving me that excuse). I'm about to do so again.

I'm looking forward to a normal day today. I'll post to the blogs, then get the chateau ready for clients this afternoon. After work, I'll pick up some stuff from the dry cleaners, make some dinner, hang out. Good lord last week was a magical mystery tour! It's good to get back to a more recognizable rhythm.

My question to y'all who have kids is, how the HELL did you do it? I am in awe of each and every one of you, honestly I am.

One thing I'm contemplating this morning is the deep well of gratitude I have for the wisdom I always possessed, since I was a child, that I wasn't built for motherhood. Never once in all my reproductive years did I wish to be pregnant nor did I long to hold a baby in my arms. Never! Not even for a minute. It's amazing to think about.

I can be nurturing - definitely! Mama Gaia Reya is a supreme nurturer. I love to cook and feed people, and yes indeed I enjoy seeing my beloveds enjoying the food I've prepared. I believe these traits are in some way attached to the maternal instinct. And I have nothing against young people. Some I like, some I don't, which is exactly how I feel about adults. I've befriended many a kid, but I never wanted my own. I had my tubes tied when I was 23 years old, incredible to think about now, how I knew - I just KNEW - it was right. The doctor tried to talk me out of it. At the time I was fiercely annoyed, but looking back now I don't blame him. I've never regretted that decision, not even for a second. That truth is kind of incredible, even to me.

The prevailing notion, that all women are made to have children, is a bit mysoginistic. OK, yes we are all equipped with the necessary organs, just as all of us with two legs and two arms can play basketball. But if you're 5'2" and roly poly, maybe you should play the clarinet or study physics, leave basketball to others, hey?

Some of us women have the equipment, but not the desire, for kids. Some of us have such piss poor kidney jing that the rigors of parenthood would have been crushing in some way or another. A sickly mom is not a great idea, nor is an endlessly depressed mother. I have a sense I would have been both. Poor kids! Poor dad! Poor me. Ah thank God it never came to pass.

Once upon a time I would have had kids, because all women did if they could. I would have been one of those dark and creepy moms who always appear in books from the 19th century and before, probably would have taken to my bed by age 30, remained there for the rest of my days. Women used to do that, you know, go to bed and stay for decades.

Fortunately I was born at the perfect historical moment, not only because birth control became widely available in the U.S. just as I came of age, but also because at that moment, it was socially acceptable not to have kids. I thank God with all my heart for the fortunate timing of my life. Thanks, God!

I worry for women coming of age right now. Our reproductive rights are being curtailed in so many ways. I wonder why? Rush Limbaugh should be hospitalized, he is a very sick man. What is up with the men in Virginia and elsewhere who want women to have ultrasounds before abortion, and the Republican senators who did not allow women to testify about birth control - just men? Their behavior is hateful. It would be a very scary time to come of age.

My heart goes out to women of reproductive age who don't have money or resources. May they somehow miraculously prevail!

Not in Kansas anymore

My week has been an experience of stepping through the looking glass to be sure. The birth of my client's daughter definitely sent me through to the other side of reality, oh yeah. It was as if I had jet lag for a couple of days afterwards. That event also shifted my work schedule so that I'll be working Monday-Friday next week. What's weird is that I have this weekend free, a freakishly rare experience that is perfectly timed to give me a break I sorely need before heading into my busy week.

This is now normal people do it - quiet weekends and busy work weeks. Hmmm. I am running with the pack for this week at least.

This morning I'm drinking coffee, listening to the Mozart station on Pandora radio and reading the New York Times. It's a lifestyle I could get used to, I'll tell you, though in truth there are days during the week I spend exactly like this. There is something about Sundays, isn't there?

Later today I'll go visit the baby and family in their natural environment, do some errands, cook a Sunday supper. Funny, isn't it, that adjusting my behavior to cultural norms feels, to me, like being in an alternate reality? Ha. Happy Sunday. Shalom.

Rhythmics

Have you ever thought about how many rhythms are ongoing in your body all at once? It's not just heartbeat and respiration. Up and down your spinal cord, all around your brain, there is fluid in which the central part of your nervous system literally floats. The fluid pulses rhythmically, or so you hope. This deep craniosacral rhythm is subtle, feels ancient and oceanic.

There are many other overlying rhythms of course, like the circadian for instance. Sleeping and waking is a definite binary rhythm, the timing of which can either make or break your day. I remember when biorhythms was a big trend. That must have been during the 70s, finding correlations between three separate biological rhythms. I don't remember how it worked but I do know that on days when all three biorhythms were at low ebb, I wanted to duck and cover.

I could go on but the point here is that we are rhythmic beings on so many levels. I don't know about you, but when my rhythms are interrupted, I'm a bit of a wreck for awhile afterwards. A client of mine says she doesn't "transition" smoothly. Oh yeah, me neither! Even with plenty of sleep Thursday night, I was not right all day yesterday. I felt one step removed from the day passing before my eyes. I guess I was still Zombie Gaia Reya.

Last night I tossed and turned and today I feel completely out of it again. There are heroes out there who can work 24 hour shifts and bounce back from it. I am not one of them. Fortunately it's a rainy morning in DC and because I left my umbrella at the hospital, I'm forced to sit on the couch in my jammies, drinking cups of tea, listening to music. I might do this all day. We shall see.

I'm listening to very rhythmic music this morning, hoping it will inspire my rhythms to snap back into place ASAP. May it be so!

As it should be

Thirteen hours of sleep did me a world of good. I took a 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon yet was still able to sleep hard for 11 hours last night. When I sleep long, when I wake refreshed, I am so happy. It makes me cringe a little, realizing that the new parents have not likely had anything close to a proper amount of rest. In exchange for their sleep deprivation and exhaustion, though, is happiness at the arrival of their daughter.

I'm working hard all day today, trying to make up for the cancelled appointments Wednesday and Thursday. But get this: for the first time in years (unless I was traveling or taking a class), I have the entire weekend free. Whoa. A real weekend, like a real person. I'll need it; no one gets over a marathon in one day, at least not after age 50, but still ... a whole weekend? It's almost freaky.

Feeling good today to have laid down the mantle of doula. (I never liked that word. It doesn't adapt, how does one conjugate this term? Doula-ing? For heaven's sake.) It wasn't my best work and as I am speeding straightaway towards the end of the decade of my fifties, it's right and proper to release all endeavors that don't fit like a glove.

In exchange for my willingness to loosen my grip on what no longer makes sense, I feel I'm being given a free weekend. What a blessing! With a big bow I say to the Mysterious Ones who arranged the timing of this: THANK YOU!

Shabbat shalom, y'all.