Relentless Expectations

"Hillary Clinton Shows Raw Emotion" was one of yesterday's headlines. Is this really news? Or how about the story about the newscaster who was rude to Obama and was subsequently restrained by the CIA. Is rudeness, in the heat of the moment, actually dangerous enough to require restraint? Is this kind of behavior so unusual that it should be reported?

Raw emotion, rudeness ... uhmmmm .... so what? Why such a fuss over normal human behavior? I don't get it.

If you're old enough you might remember I'm OK, You're OK, a book written in 1969. It was a gentler time back then, when the transactional analysts decided it was alright to be human, to show raw emotion or do something rude every now and then. It was a silly book, as most self-help books are, but the concept of acceptance was sound advice - practical, too.

After awhile, I forgot all about I'm OK, You're OK. In fact I spent much of the 1990's all worked up with righteous indignation and/or grandiose self-loathing and fear. Looking back on it that madness, I'm embarrassed, though more than that, I'm relieved to have moved past the era in my life that was characterized, as my partner called it, by a "Cry of Outrage of the Day." We're talking EVERY day. Just how much spleen venting does a woman really need? Apparently - a lot! Gosh.

The idea of perfection is such a siren song - calling me to try for the impossible. When I "fail" (whatever that means!) I've historically been quick to berate myself and everyone else around me for "making mistakes," another phrase I no longer understand. What is a mistake? Please tell me.

Hey Hillary, you go girl. Show "raw" emotion anytime you want to. It's OK. Really!! And all the rest of you out there ... have you noticed you're not perfect? BRAVO and carry on! A toast to human imperfection and to the possibility of accepting that sweet truth. Cheers!

Heat Wave

I love the moody, unpredictable, chaotic, unruly weather here in the beloved swamp I call home. OK, I don't love it so much when there is an icy rain accompanied by a fierce wind, or alternatively when it's a million degrees with a million percent humidity. But I do love the odd day or two when the weather refuses to conform to seasonal expectations.

It was warm yesterday and will be warmer today. Sometime tomorrow, winter will return, which is completely fitting and proper.

In the meantime, though, how fun to dip into a day or two or premature spring fever. There will be no reading about the history of Chinese medicine today, oh no, nor will there be a lot of time spent in front of the television. I don't even think I'll cook, something I usually do on Tuesdays.

I'm off my ass today, out the door. I'm going to breathe the soft air, soak up the sunshine, listen to the birds, who sound as pleased as I am by the change in the weather. Since I don't have to tuck my head down into layer upon layer of warm scarves, I'll be able to actually look around at the world. Jake will not have to endure the humiliation of wearing his Fido Fleece coat. It's all good.

With a kiss and a wink to the weather gods - thank you!!

Clean Slate

Happy Three Astrologers Day!

The holidays are now officially over and done with. Put away the rolls of Christmas wrap, take down the tree, remove the brown and shrivelled wreaths from your front doors, puh-lease! Though I'm proud of the effort I made to enjoy the holidays this year, still, I'm relieved that they're over.

Now it's January, so ... now what? It's too early for spring cleaning, mostly too cold for long walks (though today and tomorrow in DC are supposed to be warm and lovely). What are you supposed to do in January? What does Martha Stewart do?

I've got a well-stocked netflix queue, and of course I always have a mountain of books to read, but I can't sit on my ass all month long, can I? I guess we'll see!

Geriatric Jake

It'll happen to all of us if we're lucky enough to survive. I'm talking about old age. This year, Jake turned 12. In dog years, for an animal as large as he is, that's OLD. He's getting saggy and sleepy, no longer chasing squirrels, though he'll still go after cats any day of the week. The dogs he once tried to pick fights with have become part of the landscape as far as he's concerned. There are even days when he doesn't bother to get up and bark at the mailman.

In a way, Jake's old age is a relief. He was uber-energized in his prime, never got enough exercise even though I got him out and ran him until his tongue hung out the side of his mouth. Even last year he was still eager to walk to the Capitol and explore the grounds there, but this year he stops at 6th street and shows me he's ready to head back to the house.

He's the first dog I've ever had. It's likely I won't try to replace him...but...why am I already planning on my life after his demise? He isn't dead yet! And in fact right now he's giving me the evil eye which means it's time to take a walk down to 6th Street, pausing here and there so he can sniff and piss, and so I can take some pics.

Life is precious - and fleeting! Carpe canine diem!

Half Empty or Half Full?

What do you say when someone asks, "How are you?" "Fine" is the usual answer, or at least the polite one. "Fine" is what I almost always say. When the Sufi acupuncturist asks me, though, I'm pretty sure he's looking for a more comprehensive response.

Usually my condition requires more than a one word answer. Being human, after all, is complicated. I'm almost always kind of fine, kind of not fine. Often I can't articulate my condition - it's like when you're getting your eyes checked for new glasses and they ask, "Which lens works better for you, number one or number two?" I can never tell which one is "better." Do I want the world to be clearly defined but very small, or larger, but slightly fuzzier? Should things look tall and skinny or flatter and shorter? I guess what the eye doctor is really asking is for my preference, rather than what's "better." What is my preferred vision? Who knows!

I read somewhere recently that optimists are more successful in life. Duh! The power of the mind is so fantastic (in the true sense of that word). Cultivating a half-full attitude is an interesting project. I'm developing this capacity later in life than I might have, but later is better than never, right? See, I'm better at it already, yes? Yes.

My glass is half full these days. Isn't that great?

Creation Myths

I've been reading creation myths from around the world and across time (found a wonderful myth compendium at the National Gallery bookshop). So many of these stories strike me as "true" (whatever that means). I'm especially interested in the myths about how humans arrived on the planet. I like the Shinto myth in which a goddess decides the earth is so beautiful that it will be lonely unless she makes some humans out of clay to keep the Earth company. Sweet.

An all-time favorite is the Haida myth that starts with all humans living inside a huge clam shell because it's safe (of course). Raven, the trickster of Haida culture, comes along and teases the humans into climbing out of the shell by telling them how beautiful the earth is. Once out of the clam shell, the humans can not return.

I'm less fond of western classical myths. Humans as action figures for the Greek gods to play with, for instance, doesn't much capture my imagination, nor does the idea that we were put here on Earth to "rule over" nature. Maybe I don't like the ones I learned growing up because they're too familiar.

Almost all of 2008 is still out there, waiting to unfold. Maybe new year's resolutions and intentions (that's how Not Plain Jane frames it) are our own personal creation myths. More exercise, less drinking, focusing on money issues, finding true love, learning to knit tea cozies, getting a promotion at work ... these are just a few of the resolutions I've heard about from those nearest and dearest to me. It's fun to imagine a fulfilling year, and though I try not to shape my thought process so much these days, preferring to allow the world to show me what's what, I admire people who are willing to put their foot down and say out loud what they'd like for the new year.

A salute to those who resolve and intend! And a salute to myself for letting go of that habit. Salutes all around. Cheers!

What's Important?

Is it important to be powerful?

I've been asking around, because I know I used to think being powerful was supremely important. Maybe it's a baby boomer phenomena.

During the early days of the feminist movement in the 1970's, when women felt completely powerless, the concept of empowerment got planted in our heads. Without sufficient umphh, we felt we would fail to overthrow the oppression of our post 1950's American culture. Down with Doris Day! Up with Angela Davis! The idea was to get power first, then focus on healing injustices. We had consciousness-raising circles in which we expressed anger, clenched our fists and raised them to the sky. It was intoxicating. After a lifetime of being told we had to stuff our desires and be polite, we allowed ourselves to feel blood in our mouths - all in service to the urgent need for justice and fairness and peace, mind you. What a delicious sensation.

Everything in early feminism had to be extreme, in order to explode through the old paradigm. As the movement matured, feminist tactics became much more refined. After awhile, most of us went back to shaving our legs, wearing bras and make-up. I changed behaviors, but held on to the old, extreme thought forms. Why did I believe that kindness and receptivity, lady-like behavior, was a sign of weakness? It's a leftover fragment from the 70's. But, maybe I'm finally letting go.

These days I think it's important to be kind, to practice compassion, aim towards balance, actively avoid the drama that always accompanies the pursuit of power. Human beings are so powerful already. It's like cultivating weeds while ignoring the roses.

Unfortunately we have a long road to travel if we want to become a more gentle, thoughtful species. Trying to cultivate personal power without refining our instinctual behavior will not bring us closer to thoughtfulness and compassion. At least it certainly didn't bring me closer to being a decent person.

Maybe Doris Day wasn't so bad. She almost always played a career "gal" in her movies. She was boy crazy, of course, but she also had her pride. She had strong boundaries around her sexual behavior, was clearly in control of her own destiny, and in the end, she always triumphed Wow.. Doris was powerful after all. As powerful as Angela Davis? I'm starting to think so.

Any thoughts? Is it important to be powerful?